A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'
He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'
At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. 'A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'
He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you like a juicy ribeye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'
He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra... I'm still not hungry.'
'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!
I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. In my script it clearly said: "Enter Juliette from the rear."
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, 'Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on
Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there.'
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,' Mike, you've been my best Friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice
Calling out to him, 'Mike--Mike.'
'Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Mike--it's me, Joe.'
'You're not Joe. Joe just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,' insists the voice.'
'Joe! Where are you?'
'In heaven', replies Joe. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' says Mike.
The good news,' Joe says,' is that there's rugby in heaven. Better
Yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, We're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And Best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired, or injured.'
'That's fantastic,' says Mike. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're in the team for Tuesday.'
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Topic: Just a couple of jokes. (Read 856 times)