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Author Topic: Essex Girls  (Read 2072 times)

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Guppy

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Essex Girls
« on: 20 August 2008, 16:13:32 »
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and

bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some

questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.

It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard

on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be

careful!"

"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's f*cking

hundreds of them!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------
 :D :D
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;D"I can resist everything except temptation." ;D

woodsy_mv6

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #1 on: 20 August 2008, 16:24:10 »
1st one tickled me something good :y
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maria

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #2 on: 20 August 2008, 16:56:38 »
Loved both of them ;D ;D ;D
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The Red Baron

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #3 on: 20 August 2008, 16:56:55 »
going the wrong way...brilliant  :D :D ;D ;D ;D
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razzo

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #4 on: 20 August 2008, 17:03:42 »
Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend when they start to have a bit of a row, he calls her an old slapper so she whacks him one & says don't you ever call me an old slapper, get out of my bed & take your mates with you   ;D
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FRE07962128

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #5 on: 20 August 2008, 17:14:30 »
Sums up Essex girls wonderfully!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;)

....and before any Essex girl complains I have a friend from Essex and my Mothers side of the family still live there!! :D :D :D ;)
They don't speak to me now....wonder why?? ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
« Last Edit: 20 August 2008, 17:14:48 by FRE07962128 »
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Omegadoha, Desert Member

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #6 on: 20 August 2008, 17:58:47 »
Quality :y
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haj

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #7 on: 20 August 2008, 18:07:50 »
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child
benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker.

"10" replies the Essex girl

"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
READY,or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council worker.

"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"
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kris9128

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #8 on: 20 August 2008, 18:12:27 »
Q: What's an Essex girls favorite wine?
A: aw go-on take me to lakeside please please go-on take me
Q: What's an Essex Girls form of protection?
A: Bus Shelters
Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Bag of Crisps?
A: You only get one bang out of a bag of crisps
Q: How may Essex girls does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?.
A: Five. One to make the mixture and Four to peel the Smarties.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it.
Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?
A: "Do you really all play for the same football team?"
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
A: An ironing boards legs are difficult to part.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.
Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her feet.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?
A: Spaghetti moves when you eat it.
Q: What does an Essex girl do with her asshole after sex?
A: She takes him down the pub.
Q: What makes an Essex girls eyes light up?
A: A torch shone in her ear.
Q: How do you know when an Essex girl's had an orgasm?
A: She drops her bag of chips.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own.
An Essex girl is driving along and asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly.
He tells her that it's to late to drive to Canvey Island.
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LFF64

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #9 on: 20 August 2008, 18:58:38 »
saying nothing at all more than my life is worth  ;)  :-*to Lin x
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albitz

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #10 on: 20 August 2008, 19:59:48 »
i married one.-.......took her to lakeside as well last week ,after a lot of w(h)ining. ;D ;D
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Jo_Kent

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #11 on: 20 August 2008, 20:01:45 »
Quote
saying nothing at all more than my life is worth  ;)  :-*to Lin x

Haha you're learning  :P  At least I don't speak with a funny accent  ;D ;D
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #12 on: 20 August 2008, 20:07:24 »
Some good ones there, keep em coming.   ;D ;D
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Jimbob

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #13 on: 20 August 2008, 20:23:18 »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Loved the surnames one  ;D
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Guppy

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Re: Essex Girls
« Reply #14 on: 20 August 2008, 22:22:22 »
For Skruntie

Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."  :y

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