Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[GazS14]

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the Hotel Clerk "I trust the porn channel in my room is disabled?"

Hotel clark replies "No it's just ordinary porn, you sicko"


Any other jokes around?  

[Jimbob]

Git, filled my keyboard with beer!

[Richie London]

 that'll make a good text

[GazS14]

It cracked me up at work today!  

[GazS14]

A cucumber a pickle & a penis were talking about there awful lives . the cucumber said " My life sucks when i get big fat and juicy they cut me up and toss me into a salad". The pickle says "when i get big fat and juicy they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar". The penis says "you think that's bad when i get big fat and juicy they put a plastic bag over my head stick me in a dark damp room & bang my head against the wall until i throw up and pass out!! "  

[Richie London]

ive heard this before but it still makes me laugh-

Ireland's worst air disaster

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 

[unlucky alf]

two nuns out on a pushbike ride, going down some old narrow streets they eventually go down a cobbled street, one of the nuns says" ive never come this way before", the other nun says "oh really? it must be the cobbles!!"

[GazS14]

Labour have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accurately reflects the governments political stance!!
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you are actually being f****d!!  

[unlucky alf]

a bloke goes into w,h smiths & asks the young girl at the counter "do you keep stationary?", the girl replied " yup i do for the first couple of minutes then i go like a rattlesnake!!"

[STMO123]

ive heard this before but it still makes me laugh-

Ireland's worst air disaster

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 

 

[Plomien]

Little Johny was sitting in his Catholic school classroom.
Th Nun said "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure" said Johny. "They go round the back of the bike sheds"

[Plomien]

Define "egghead"-What Mrs Dumpty gives to Humpty

[ngrainqey]

psml!!!

[Richie London]

A study conducted by Tulane's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

[GazS14]

A little guy is sat at the bar when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "thats kung fu from Japan" ,the man is shocked but does nothing,a few moments later the thug smacks him again and says "thats karate from Korea" the little guy gets up and leaves the bar.A short time later he walks straight back in and smacks the thug,knocking him out cold! and turns to the barman and says "when he wakes up,tell him that was a shovel from B&Q!"