Today, we mourn the passing of Mr Big Log of Newent, Glos. Apparently brutally murdered with an axe by an intruder last night whilst lying in his bed.
The madman leapt into his field just after midnight, brandishing a double ended axe, and despite cries for mercy, was brutally chopped to bits. Investigators at the scene described sap and bark everywhere, and the poor log stood no chance against the armed intruder.
He is survived by master little sapling, and Mrs Bush, and a verdict of first degree murder has been recorded by the coroner today.
Witnesses report a madman carring a large axe was seen leaving the site, driving a distinctive green estate with the letters "OOF" on the back window.
The public are warned to keep their distance from this person until he is apprehended by the Police, he is considered armed and dangerous. Any sightings are to be reported to the administrators without delay.
The cremation of his remains are to be kept until the next meet at Newent in Sept 2011 in respect.