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Author Topic: Haemorrhoids  (Read 2672 times)

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Mysteryman

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Haemorrhoids
« on: 17 January 2011, 10:45:25 »

I have been suffering from piles recently and bought a tube of ointment (germaloids) to help with the problem. Now I can't be bothered with the little plastic tube that you shove up your bottie to apply the medication, it takes ages to clean out afterwards. I just place some on the end of my index finger and wang it up.

I followed the instuctions and applied after every bowel movement and they cleared up nicely. However, I wanted to make sure they were gone, so I continued with the treatment for another week.

I found myself poking my finger up my rectum more and more regularly and going a bit further up each time. I am now using a large tube of ointment each day and this morning I managed to get three fingers in, right up to the knuckles. Mmmmmmm, just thinking about it makes me......


Erm...should I seek help?
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Debs.

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #1 on: 17 January 2011, 10:49:09 »

.....the time to really worry is when you begin to want someone else to do it with for you! ;D
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Richie London

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #2 on: 17 January 2011, 10:56:55 »

Quote
I have been suffering from piles recently and bought a tube of ointment (germaloids) to help with the problem. Now I can't be bothered with the little plastic tube that you shove up your bottie to apply the medication, it takes ages to clean out afterwards. I just place some on the end of my index finger and wang it up.

I followed the instuctions and applied after every bowel movement and they cleared up nicely. However, I wanted to make sure they were gone, so I continued with the treatment for another week.

I found myself poking my finger up my rectum more and more regularly and going a bit further up each time. I am now using a large tube of ointment each day and this morning I managed to get three fingers in, right up to the knuckles. Mmmmmmm, just thinking about it makes me......


Erm...should I seek help?



seems normal to me  ;)
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Sixstring

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #3 on: 17 January 2011, 12:10:45 »

Nah, mate.......

seems like a complete pain in the arse, and I would stop it if I were you.

However, as you seem to be enjoying it, and it takes all sorts........... ::)
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Self confessed Electro-Mechanical nut, Guitarist/Singer and Motorcyclist. Drives an estate due to all the equipment he has to carry,Electrickery fiddler who loves Automatics and BIG Vee engines.

cem_devecioglu

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #4 on: 17 January 2011, 13:22:06 »

 ;D

 :-/

no curries,

no beer -actually nothing with alcohol  (makes you a good candidate for being muslim  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  :y )

and lots of regular walking ..

immerse your half body in hot(really hot) water, it will increase the blood flow and relax the muscles..

I frequently suffer from that .. :(
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Richie London

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #5 on: 17 January 2011, 13:29:03 »

try a couple of litres of picolax, you wont put your fingers near it for days  ;D ;D ;D
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Field Marshal Dr. Opti

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #6 on: 17 January 2011, 13:32:58 »

I know you're from the North  Mr Steve  ::) ::)......but just for a novelty try eating some fruit and  vegetables.....This should keep you nice and regular... A diet of deep fried Mars bars is not good for bowel movements....  ;) :P :P :P::) ::) ::)
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Debs.

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #7 on: 17 January 2011, 13:49:52 »

Quote
fruit and  vegetables

 ;) Steve, they`re the brightly coloured 'growy' things near the door at Morrisons.....you must`ve seen them; on your way to the pie aisle!?! :P
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Mysteryman

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #8 on: 17 January 2011, 13:50:35 »

Thank you for all your advice, but I think I'll go for the whole hand before the weekend. Have a good root around in there and see if I can pull out a plum on my thumb. :y
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Mysteryman

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #9 on: 17 January 2011, 13:58:30 »

Quote
Quote
fruit and  vegetables

 ;) Steve, they`re the brightly coloured 'growy' things near the door at Morrisons.....you must`ve seen them; on your way to the pie aisle!?! :P


Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Debs. Besides, I've tried eating flowers, don't like 'em. :(
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bob.dent

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #10 on: 17 January 2011, 15:03:10 »

Why not go to your doctor for a prostate test Steve, the doctor will shove his fingers up there and save you the bother!! ;D
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I HAVE THE BODY OF AN 18 YEAR OLD.......I KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE!

Martin_1962

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #11 on: 17 January 2011, 15:20:28 »

Might be worth having a search and seeing what is available. :y

Putting things in bum or something like that.

Or prostate and whatever.

No I have not typed these in - too scared at what might come up :o :o ;D ;D
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #12 on: 17 January 2011, 15:42:41 »



Sometimes a prostate examination can have unintended consequences;

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHKTE75dgE4&feature=related[/media]
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #13 on: 17 January 2011, 15:44:54 »

Quote
Thank you for all your advice, but I think I'll go for the whole hand before the weekend. Have a good root around in there and see if I can pull out a plum on my thumb. :y

Perhaps a friendly neighbourhood constable would be willing to help?


[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqolwZoj8RA&feature=related[/media]
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Nickbat

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Re: Haemorrhoids
« Reply #14 on: 17 January 2011, 16:02:24 »

I hate it when you go for an appointment and the guy tells you to drop your trousers while he puts a rubber glove on.

I really must change my dentist...  ;)
« Last Edit: 17 January 2011, 16:03:19 by Nickbat »
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