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[TheBoy]

Ear candles are only supposed to be used by trained peeps. Imagine getting molten wax down your ear 

They sound like they are for poofs as well

You should get some then TB seeing as you're too much of a poof to go and get your ears syringed!

Before I can get 'em seen to, I have to register with a quack.  Thats unlikely to happen any time soon.

[LJay]

Ear candles are only supposed to be used by trained peeps. Imagine getting molten wax down your ear 

They sound like they are for poofs as well

You should get some then TB seeing as you're too much of a poof to go and get your ears syringed!

Before I can get 'em seen to, I have to register with a quack.  Thats unlikely to happen any time soon.

DO WE HAVE TO TYPE LIKE THIS THEN SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR US?

YOU BIG GIRLS BLOUSE!

[TheBoy]

What?

[LJay]

What?

YOU HEARD!  SHALL WE GET YOU A TRUMPET IN CASE YOU MISS SOMAT?


Then at least mrs TB can clack you with it!

[hoofing it]

As my dad used to say...

Women, can't live them, can't shoot them

And they bleed for a week and crab/greet/moan/ the rest

[Richie London]

My x would look the part if she had tusks. she's the only thing round here that blocks out the sun.

[Rods2]

Pretending to listen is fine, while you are thinking about something much more important like making out with Cameron Diaz in back of a miggy 

Until you get the fatal sentence.....

"Your not listening are you, what have I just said?" 

Fortunately, I find I can always rewind my hearing back by about 10 seconds, pick out a few key words and get away with it. 

[Varche]

My x would look the part if she had tusks. she's the only thing round here that blocks out the sun.

Can you get an export licence. Too much sun here. 

[jereboam]

Deafness us no defence.  It brings out the sadistic streak.  Mrs. J. mumbles at me, forcing me to ask her to repeat everything.  This amounts to ritual humiliation.

The Omega is a relatively quiet car, but trying to drive and respond to the constant mumbling and whispering probably makes me a dangerous driver.

I've been a hearing aid user for 20 years or more and still I can't get the idea across that I can hear much better if the speaker is looking in my direction.

As for original topic, well, she was a size 6 when we got married, and she's a size 12 now.  But then I had a 30" waist in 1974...

Don't even think about making a comment on you wife's weight loss program.  Change the subject - drop something on your foot, stab yourself in the hand with kitchen knife, feign a heart attack - anything to avoid answering.

[Martin_1962]

Ear candles are only supposed to be used by trained peeps. Imagine getting molten wax down your ear 

They sound like they are for poofs as well

Shrek has ear candles - pulls out the wax, lights it - instant candle!

[Martin_1962]

Pretending to listen is fine, while you are thinking about something much more important like making out with Cameron Diaz in back of a miggy 

Until you get the fatal sentence.....

"Your not listening are you, what have I just said?" 

Fortunately, I find I can always rewind my hearing back by about 10 seconds, pick out a few key words and get away with it. 

Why is everyone on a Shrek hint this week.

Firstly a Shrek like footballer,
then candles made out of earwax
Finally Princess Fiona

[r1]

well its getting worse.
been shoping tonight[never go at the weekend much to busy] and it looks like we all going to be eating rabbit food.ive never seen so much lighter/suger free/salt free rubbish in my life and why if it hasnt got  it in is it more expensive? i dont need to diet been the same size for years,think theres going to be lots of sneeky vists to the chippy and cafe.that being the case her diet is going to cost me money.

[Rods2]

Conservation of energy - You can't make or destroy energy only turn it from one form into another.

Calories in means it has to be burn off. Diets DON'T WORK, but exercise does. So suggest to her that to keep her figure trim, exercise is the best option and sex is the best exercise of the lot. While you are stoking the fire  4 or 5 times a night and acting the stud I'm sure you are are, you can dream you are making out with Cameron Diaz.... 

The alternative to burn off calories is long walks, running etc, but I know which exercise I prefer 

[r1]

Conservation of energy - You can't make or destroy energy only turn it from one form into another.

Calories in means it has to be burn off. Diets DON'T WORK, but exercise does. So suggest to her that to keep her figure trim, exercise is the best option and sex is the best exercise of the lot. While you are stoking the fire  4 or 5 times a night and acting the stud I'm sure you are are, you can dream you are making out with Cameron Diaz.... 

The alternative to burn off calories is long walks, running etc, but I know which exercise I prefer 

i agree
but there where no headache pills in her/our diet kit

[Bionic]

Best idea would be to take a pic of her, one when she was slimmer and a recent one showing the gains and pin it to the kithcen cupboard doors so every time she goes to go in them it will remind her. Its used by many slimming sites and so must obviously be effective.
No doubt that advice will upset some though!
Whatever happens, it is up the individual to sort it because it is they who scoff too much and excercise too little! Oh yeah... and women do not rule men and men do not rule women....we are all equal!
Its a sorry state of affairs when there are those who think the opposite.