Omega Owners Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Welcome to OOF

Pages: 1 ... 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 [79] 80   Go Down

Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 812662 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1170 on: 01 December 2024, 20:02:09 »
Last night whilst watching television I said to the wife "you know what you're the absolute double of Jennifer Anniston".
She gave me a cheeky grin and said "really?" I said "yes sweetheart she's 9 stone and you're 18"

I truly appreciated everything the paramedics did last night. I'm in Ward 15, and I'd like some visitors...
Logged

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1171 on: 20 December 2024, 12:49:45 »
A police officer knocked at my door and asked where I was between 5 and 6. I told him infants school....
Logged

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1172 on: 24 December 2024, 18:43:59 »
Although Jesus was a carpenter he never actually sang on any of the albums!
Logged

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1173 on: 30 December 2024, 16:32:27 »
I was at the checkout in my local supermarket yesterday evening and the lady on it said to me: “You’re single, aren’t you?”

I responded enthusiastically: “Yes, how on earth did you know, is it because I buy a small loaf and a small tin of beans here every evening?”

“No, nothing to do with the loaf and beans,” she replied, ......

...... “I knew because you’re so ugly.”
Logged

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 14005
  • What is going to break next?
    • Golf Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1174 on: 12 January 2025, 23:34:58 »
I said to my doctor, "I'm convinced everybody is trying to read my mind.

But you already know that."
Logged
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1175 on: 04 February 2025, 08:15:20 »
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom.
Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Logged

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1176 on: 27 February 2025, 16:09:34 »
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon.

I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
Logged

Raeturbo

  • Omega Lord
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • South Wales
  • Posts: 8175
    • TouregR5Mitsi Evo2. XJ8
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1177 on: 27 February 2025, 17:36:27 »
Ha ha🤣🤣🤣
Logged
Laying a rubber road.

Migv6 le Frog Fan

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Webs End.
  • Posts: 12625
  • Nicole's Papa
    • 3.2 Elite. Boxster. C1.
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1178 on: 05 March 2025, 21:53:38 »
A small tanker type of truck was in front of me today as I drove home.
Reg plate was T11ETS or similar so it was obviously for emptying septic tanks.
It had a sticker on the back which made me laugh out loud.

"NO STOOLS ARE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT".  ;D

Logged
Women are like an AR35. lovely things, but nobody really understands how they work.

STEMO

  • Omega Lord
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 9750
    • Grandland 1.6 diesel
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1179 on: 05 March 2025, 22:02:22 »
Quote from: Migv6 le Frog Fan on 05 March 2025, 21:53:38
A small tanker type of truck was in front of me today as I drove home.
Reg plate was T11ETS or similar so it was obviously for emptying septic tanks.
It had a sticker on the back which made me laugh out loud.

"NO STOOLS ARE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT".  ;D
Excellent  ;D
Logged
Diesel till I die

JasonH

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Bristol
  • Posts: 1098
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1180 on: 09 March 2025, 08:40:21 »
Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa. I had to explain to him that I’m married now so that's where I sleep.
Logged

Nick W

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Chatham, Kent
  • Posts: 11067
    • Ghastly 1.0l Focus
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1181 on: 14 March 2025, 11:18:45 »
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?


None, Trump says it's fixed so they all sit in the dark and cheer.




And,




Elon Musk: a man who's gone from being this century's Henry Ford to being this century's Henry Ford.....
Logged

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 14005
  • What is going to break next?
    • Golf Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1182 on: 11 April 2025, 22:47:36 »
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Feefiphobia
Logged
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 14005
  • What is going to break next?
    • Golf Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1183 on: 22 April 2025, 23:32:32 »
Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara
Logged
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 14005
  • What is going to break next?
    • Golf Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1184 on: 22 April 2025, 23:33:26 »
When employing someone, gather all the C.V.s together and randomly split them into two piles.
Take one pile and throw it in the bin.
This stops you employing anyone unlucky.
Logged
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.
Pages: 1 ... 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 [79] 80   Go Up
« previous next »
 

Page created in 0.012 seconds with 16 queries.