Sticky for Jokes

[STEMO]

The Grand old Duke of York.
He gave 12 million quid.
To a Woman he had never met
For something he never did.

Tee hee. 

The poor bastard will have to move his 40 rooms full of stuff to that shitty little Sandringham estate and make do with half as many rooms.

[Kevin Wood]

A small tanker type of truck was in front of me today as I drove home.
Reg plate was T11ETS or similar so it was obviously for emptying septic tanks.
It had a sticker on the back which made me laugh out loud.

"NO STOOLS ARE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT". 

I saw one in a town called Robertson in South Africa. The tanker was painted in the black and yellow paint scheme of a US school bus and on the back was "Robertson Stool Bus".

[JasonH]

I made a chicken salad the other day.




Turns out chickens don't like salad.

[Raeturbo]

Rooster strides into a chip shop....., Two chicken legs,  OPEN!

[Doctor Gollum]

Thanks to AI, the Beatles are collaborating with Cilla Black to release their bid for the Christmas No 1...

It's a cover of Police Nabbedme Dad...

[JasonH]

I just stole a turkey from ASDA.
Security man ran after me shouting 'What you doing with that?'.
So I shouted back:
'Potatoes, peas, carrots & gravy.'

[JasonH]

ANYONE interested in spending the day in a helicopter flight for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early on Saturday morning from Liverpool Airport and will fly to Portsmouth Marina , where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch.

Then we'll sail along the coast to see the seals and dolphins, then returning to the marina and go out for dinner, before flying back home to Liverpool.

If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go 

[STEMO]

 

[JasonH]

An older couple went out for dinner at their favorite Chinese restaurant.

They decided to try something new on the menu called Chicken Surprise.

A few minutes later, the waiter brought their meal — a covered cast iron pot.

Just as the wife was about to serve herself, the lid popped up a little... and she saw two tiny eyes peeking out! Then the lid dropped back down.

"Harold, did you see that?!" she whispered.

Harold hadn't, so she told him to look. He lifted the lid — and sure enough, two little eyes peered up at him before the lid slammed shut again.

Totally baffled, he called the waiter over. "Excuse me, but something's alive in here!"

The waiter nodded politely and said,
"Ah, so sorry, sir. You ordered Chicken Surprise?"

"Yes," Harold said nervously.

"Ah," said the waiter, bowing slightly. "My mistake. That's our Peking Duck!"

[Raeturbo]

We have a Chinese near us called fuk Yu, and one not too far away called wan kin👍

[JasonH]

In 2 billion years our sun will burn out. Meaning that HS2 will have to be finished in the dark.