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Author Topic: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)  (Read 3369 times)

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JamesV6CDX

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HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« on: 06 September 2006, 21:11:37 »

Firstly, don't take this seriously in the slightest. This is purely a bit of a laff with an old Omega that's going to be driven to the scrapyard soon due to a poorly auto box.

This is NOT, repeat NOT, anything you should do with a car that is to be relied upon!

Anyhow, here is how to repair rattling/blowing exhaust sections (if you don't give a toss about the car)..

1) Firstly, you need to identify which exhaust section is rattling. Get underneith and give the boxes a tap with a rubber mallet - the one on this Omega was clearly the driver side mid-section.

2) Being careful not to snap them off, remove the bolts holding the mid-sections to the cats, and drop the exhaust off the car.

3) As per the photo below, drill a couple of holes diagonally in the section, and cut out a neat as possible square using a jigsaw.



Now you need to identify what is clonking aroung inside the exhaust box. In this case, we didn't have to look hard for the foreign object:



Once the offending object is removed, you now need to cover the hole you have created. The first thing to hand was the lid off a family sized tin of quality street. Make sure you eat the sweets first.... and then cut out a template to cover the hole, as follows, and offer it up for size:



Now, you need to make the seal gas tight. So - using approx half a tin of "Gun Gum".. smear it generously all around the edges of the hole, as below:



Now, you need to place the quality street lid over the hole onto the gum, pressing it down firmly to make a gas tight seal. Then, once in position, you must drill small holes all around the edge of the tin, through into the exhaust section, approximately 2cm apart. Then, find some tight fitting screws, and then, using the most powerful electric drill you have with a screw-bit on it, tighten the screws. See illustration:



Now, using the other half of the Gun Gum, smear generously all around the edge of the lid you just screwed down, again, just to double ensure it's gas tight.



While the exhaust is off the vehicle, now is the time to repair any other little holes, using the same procedure:



Once completed, give the gun gum a while to harden to the touch, and it's time to mount the exhaust onto the vehicle.

Then you need to start the vehicle, let the exhaust get hot to help the gum harden, and you're done.

The end result? :




Now, take your £400 you would have spent at vauxhall, and give it to me!!

Repeat, this is a bit of fun, and is being posted for that reason!

It does NOT reflect good working practices and should never be done on a decent car! Unless you're stupid...











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Tony H

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #1 on: 06 September 2006, 21:24:48 »

That "how to" is "quality" ;D ;D ;D
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Bo Bo

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #2 on: 06 September 2006, 21:28:58 »

Think it would pass an MOT?  ::)
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JamesV6CDX

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #3 on: 06 September 2006, 21:29:36 »

Well it doesn't blow in the slightest, and it's all secure... so yes it should pass!

 ;D
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Del Boy

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #4 on: 06 September 2006, 21:35:41 »

Like that m8 v/good  ;D ;D ;D
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RonaldMcBurger

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #5 on: 06 September 2006, 21:43:47 »

Just for a laugh, I would take that car into quick fit and ask them if they have a quality exhaust in stock.

Made me laugh mate. That is hard to do today!
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JamesV6CDX

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #6 on: 06 September 2006, 21:46:12 »

Nice one Ronnie. It had me in tears of laughter, making the post even moreso than bodging the exhaust!
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STMO123

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #7 on: 06 September 2006, 21:50:34 »

Quality(street) post!
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Bo Bo

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #8 on: 06 September 2006, 21:52:57 »

Quote
Quality(street) post!
;D ;D ;D
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tunnie

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #9 on: 07 September 2006, 00:27:13 »

Quote
Quote
Quality(street) post!
;D ;D ;D

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

First class James... ;D

Think that calls for a tin of celebrations!  ;)
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Andy B

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #10 on: 07 September 2006, 07:34:09 »

Quote
......
Think that calls for a tin of celebrations!  ;)
They're Cadbury's & Quality St are Nestle!  ::) There's not much quality about them either - I see hundreds of tons of the things a week!!
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Andy B

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #11 on: 07 September 2006, 07:37:00 »

Quote
Think it would pass an MOT?  ::)

No reason it should fail.  ;)
http://www.motuk.co.uk/manual_710.htm
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nixoro

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #12 on: 07 September 2006, 10:03:46 »

Quality  ;D
« Last Edit: 07 September 2006, 10:04:01 by nixoro »
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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #13 on: 07 September 2006, 16:15:38 »

I have a mate that keeps exhausts going for years useing similar sorts of methods, bits of tin, bits of wire, jubilee clips and gum gum.
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The Barge Captain

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Re: HOW2: Repair exhaust rattles (JOKE!)
« Reply #14 on: 08 September 2006, 09:36:54 »

Yes it would pass. Seriously, on my last Omega, when i had to remove the zorst to relace the handbrake cable, i poked at the small hole in the back box, and ended up with a hole the size of my fist. Not haveing the £100 for a new backbox, I cut and shaped a piece of thin ally plate applied silicone sealent and pop riveted over the hole. Passed the MOT ok as it is a mechanical repair. It wont last forever as the insides were rotting away, but not my problem now as I sold the thing. Lasted ok for a year though!
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