Update ....

Due to work and family matters I've not been able to tackle this problem, which has slowly and surely been getting worse.
The fuse for the relay had been blowing more and more frequently and we sort of worked out it was to do with rain.... if it had rained .. it blew .. if dry it was OK .. I therefore assumed water was getting into the towbar wiring somehow. So I disconnected the towbar wiring, at the relay plugs, with the intention of sorting it once I had the time.
2 weeks ago the car battery was flat on Thursday after it was last used Sunday ... odd I thought but perhaps I'd left the indicator in the wrong position and the park lights were on.
Same thing happened a week later, and again this Thursday .. now I don't believe in coincidences of that type .... so, although we only had a short time before doing the hospital run, rather than just jump start it .. I did a small amount of investigation...... and to cut a long story short ... once I jump started the car the fuse to the relay blew, and blew everytime it was replaced ....... must be a short somewhere.... but where .. as the relay outputs were all unplugged.
Left the fuse out for the hospital run and attacked the problem today.
Trace the wire back from the fuse and it was suddenly obvious. When the rear subframe bushes were replaced we must have inadvertently trapped the wire under the bracket .... as the car has "moved" it has worn through and must be shorting against the chassis .... multimeter shows major short from either side of the bracket.
I'm guessing that the insulation wore away "gradually" which is why it flattened the battery, was worse when wet, but is now FUBAR.
Remove all the old wire (except for the trapped bit !!!) and rewire a new run ... and all seems good at the moment.
Time will tell ..