Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[SIR Philbutt]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

 

Gets my vote for the winner now 

[Marks DTM Calib]

a mitre 5 mouldmaster whacked off your bell end 

On a cold frosty moning

With a stiffy!

[Webby the Bear]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

 

Gets my vote for the winner now 

hahaha mine too. shit mate, have you been left with any, errm, scars? 

[paul.lovejoy]

Painful for me but apparently hilarious for Mrs Albs who observed the whole thing unfold - walking across the dining room in the dark at 3.30 am to go to the loo.someone had left a dining chair a couple of feet out from the table,so I walked straight into it,did a superman typeflying leap over the chair and headbutted the wall about 3 feet away.Knocked myself out cold and came round a while later trying to work out why I was lying on the floor,rather than stood in front of the toilet.
When I came round a bit more I became aware that my teeth didnt line up like they previously had done.I assumed I had broken all my teeth until it dawned on me that all my lower teeth were sitting a couple of inches further to the right than they should.
I then worked out that my teeth were ok,it was my jawbone that was the problem.It had snapped clean through level with the bottom of my right ear. I had a bruise slightly to the left of the bottom of my chin where I had hit the floor like a dead weight,which was what did the damage.
When the shock and sleep wore off there was (as the doctors say) quite a degree of discomfort.

maybe you were pushed, or maybe mrs albs gave you a dig for good measure whilst you were out i tell you evil things women they never forget anything just bide there time and pow

[paul.lovejoy]

getting your sac caught in your fly is a good one but not as good as trying to get it out of the zipper

[SIR Philbutt]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

 

Gets my vote for the winner now 

hahaha mine too. shit mate, have you been left with any, errm, scars? 

Just made me think. wouldprobably not have to use a "ribbed" one