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[Bixy1]

Yup, that's nearly as bad as Black Pudding . . . .

[Johnny English]

My wife is shopping, I'm paying... (and paining)

[omegod]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

[aaronjb]

I'm sorry... but I am now crying with laughter..

I cannot even begin to imagine, though! 

[Lazydocker]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

Sorry but....

I just peed a little

[Ian_D]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

Think that will take some beating!  How embarrassing! 

[Sir Tigger KC]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

Think that will take some beating!   How embarrassing! 

I bet it was too painful for that!!!!! 

[Ian_D]

Concentrated Acetic acid on the end of your tallywacker, if enough ask I will explain!

+2 + 1+ 2 + 3

= Den, Me + Swmbo + two Grandkids + 3 dogs! Were all waiting with bated breath 

Ditto, although I have a suspicion I'll regret asking..


As for pain - standing on a lego brick in bare feet.

Although I think having my fingers mashed down onto an exhaust stud by a friend with a lump hammer at full tilt was worse.

Well seeing as you asked, I shall set the scene..

At the age of 15 I started to suffer some weird blackout episodes. Medical investigation ensued which resulted in all sorts of weird tests such as brain scans for epilepsy, tumours etc .Part of the tests were some urine tests and I was provided with the relevant containers and was told to collect my first tinkle of the day in a small(ish) one . Cue me at 6 am walking into the bathroom as a bleary eyed, post pubic, semi conscious effort of a human, having been on the lash the night before. Oh sh*t I thinks halfway through and grabs the upside down container from the shelf, now how shall I stop myself pissing on my hand, thats right, jam my helmet in the top of the pot .....SADLY NOT HAVING NOTICED THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON THE POT!!!! Concentrated acetic acid, corrosive, do not allow contact with skin .

I shit you not, the pain was like nothing I have ever, and will ever,feel again , sod lego bricks or plugs in bare feet, childbirth and stubbing your bleedin toe, this was neanderthal shit. I looked down to see my sausage literally melting, and I mean popping, spitting and smoking, the whole acid horror film nightmare scenario unfolded before my very eyes but the worst bit was..............as a youth, what word will you scream without fail at any desperate moment.................that's right............. "MUUUUUUUMMMMM"

The mental scars took longer than the physical ones to heal!!!

Think that will take some beating!   How embarrassing! 

I bet it was too painful for that!!!!! 

[Martian]

Or toothache, particularly as I'm terrified of dentists and will not go near them unless I'm in so much pain that I can't stand it any more

Same here, I'm needlephobic to the point where a sedative isn't needed....just show me the needle and I'm out for the count.
Heights is my only other phobia, although that didn't develop until the age of 15 when I fell through the fly floor at work.

[Richie London]

sliding down the rubber belt on the escalater at holborn station and burning your Rse to bits cause you can't stop.. big mistake, now that is pain. 

[Marks DTM Calib]

I can think of a few

Sitting on a testical when jumping on your bike a bit quick. 

Broken leg and then being walked to a Police car where they then took me home!

Recently knackering the Bursa in my hip.

[Debs.]

Broken leg and then being walked to a Police car where they then took me home!

  "Tis but a flesh wound!"

[LJay]

I can think of a few

Sitting on a testical when jumping on your bike a bit quick. 

Broken leg and then being walked to a Police car where they then took me home!

Recently knackering the Bursa in my hip.

That was just an excuse so you didn't show yourself up on the Kiddies rollercoasters!

[omegaman2]

a mitre 5 mouldmaster whacked off your bell end 

[omegod]

a mitre 5 mouldmaster whacked off your bell end 

On a cold frosty moning