Will your quack not sign you off for having a rational fear of middle management? If not, why not 
Whats a quack?
That'll be the person that you've an appointment to see at the end of March, about four months after your gout settles down... and I guarantee that his opening question to you will be,"Now then, what seems to be the problem?"

Ah, you mean the bollock fondler.
I'll give that a miss, if you don't mind.
I see you subscribe to the Chrisgixer School of General Practice... aka wait a week and head to A and E if it still smarts 
Errr, no. I firmly believe that the army should be on the entrance to A&E, armed, in order to cull the population.
The only time I've gone to A&E, I was physically restrained in he back of an ice cream van. The paramedic was a hottie though, I do remember that as I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I will also add that that trip to A&E was the last time I had a prick in my arse.