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Author Topic: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun  (Read 2906 times)

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LJay

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« on: 24 November 2009, 20:29:12 »

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??


WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home.



I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd
get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


AWESOME!!!



Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.


Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?


There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.


I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and tazer in another.



The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.


All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'


What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best
...







I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...


HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!



I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!



The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three
second burst would be considered conservative!



A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.



My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.




Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!


P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
and now regularly threatens me with it!



If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
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Been there, fallen over it!

KillerWatt

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #1 on: 24 November 2009, 20:31:56 »

Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.
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HolyCount

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #2 on: 24 November 2009, 20:41:16 »

Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !
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Welung666

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #3 on: 24 November 2009, 20:45:20 »

Quote
Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !

So did he ;D ;D

That's the sort of thing I'd do ;D ;D ;D
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Jimbob

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #4 on: 24 November 2009, 20:56:35 »

love it  ;D ;D ;D ;D

cem_devecioglu

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #5 on: 24 November 2009, 20:59:01 »

 ;D

dangerous toys..not a good idea to try them..

I have experimented!!  that spray in my eyes from a far distance (4-5 meters) and its worse than a hundred unions..
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KillerWatt

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #6 on: 24 November 2009, 21:01:48 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !

So did he ;D ;D
Not on 2x AAA batteries he didn't.
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mantahatch

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #7 on: 24 November 2009, 21:11:00 »

Quote
Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !


I don't care either, that is one of the funniest things i have read in ages.
I love people listing jokes on here, but this is the first time I have had to comment on it.

And sorry but it has been copied and emailed to one or two people.

Thank you for a great laugh, my wife had to come up to see what I was laughing at.
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Jimbob

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #8 on: 24 November 2009, 21:11:09 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !

So did he ;D ;D
Not on 2x AAA batteries he didn't.


ITS A JOKE  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

rob in gib

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #9 on: 24 November 2009, 21:16:28 »

reminds me of a few years ago when one of my work mates bought a tazer device that clipped to the steering wheel of your car  when armed  then moved it would go off like a lightning rod used 6 D size batteries and boy did it hurt

turns out that it was illegal in the UK

So know what that guy went threw
still bloody funny  :y :y :y :y :y
« Last Edit: 24 November 2009, 21:21:42 by rob_gib »
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rob in gib

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #10 on: 24 November 2009, 21:20:48 »

This is what he had

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLLngF_FyL4[/media]
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LJay

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #11 on: 24 November 2009, 21:25:24 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Without bothering to check, I'll call hoax.

I don't care -- I've wet myself !


I don't care either, that is one of the funniest things i have read in ages.
I love people listing jokes on here, but this is the first time I have had to comment on it.

And sorry but it has been copied and emailed to one or two people.

Thank you for a great laugh, my wife had to come up to see what I was laughing at.

I was emailed it by a friend and it made me howl! I like to share things that make me chuckle, keep it going! :y :y
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mantahatch

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #12 on: 24 November 2009, 21:28:34 »

Looks like you can get some pretty high voltages out of 3 cr2 batteries http://www.aaa-safetyfirst.com/pretender-cellphone-stun-gun.htm

 :)
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The Red Baron

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #13 on: 24 November 2009, 21:33:16 »

very very good. :D ;D ;D
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KillerWatt

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Re: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
« Reply #14 on: 25 November 2009, 08:09:14 »

Quote
Looks like you can get some pretty high voltages out of 3 cr2 batteries http://www.aaa-safetyfirst.com/pretender-cellphone-stun-gun.htm

 :)
CR2's have a terminal voltage of 3V, so 3 of them makes 9V.
Being Li-ion cells, they will however be able to keep the current going for much longer than a standard 9V alkaline cell.

I do doubt that the gun in that advert makes anywhere near the claimed 950 KV though
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