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Please play nicely.  No one wants to listen/read a keyboard warriors rants....

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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 785377 times)

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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1170 on: 01 December 2024, 20:02:09 »
Last night whilst watching television I said to the wife "you know what you're the absolute double of Jennifer Anniston".
She gave me a cheeky grin and said "really?" I said "yes sweetheart she's 9 stone and you're 18"

I truly appreciated everything the paramedics did last night. I'm in Ward 15, and I'd like some visitors...
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1171 on: 20 December 2024, 12:49:45 »
A police officer knocked at my door and asked where I was between 5 and 6. I told him infants school....
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1172 on: 24 December 2024, 18:43:59 »
Although Jesus was a carpenter he never actually sang on any of the albums!
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1173 on: 30 December 2024, 16:32:27 »
I was at the checkout in my local supermarket yesterday evening and the lady on it said to me: “You’re single, aren’t you?”

I responded enthusiastically: “Yes, how on earth did you know, is it because I buy a small loaf and a small tin of beans here every evening?”

“No, nothing to do with the loaf and beans,” she replied, ......

...... “I knew because you’re so ugly.”
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1174 on: 12 January 2025, 23:34:58 »
I said to my doctor, "I'm convinced everybody is trying to read my mind.

But you already know that."
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1175 on: 04 February 2025, 08:15:20 »
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom.
Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1176 on: 27 February 2025, 16:09:34 »
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon.

I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
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Raeturbo

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1177 on: 27 February 2025, 17:36:27 »
Ha ha🤣🤣🤣
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Migv6 le Frog Fan

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1178 on: 05 March 2025, 21:53:38 »
A small tanker type of truck was in front of me today as I drove home.
Reg plate was T11ETS or similar so it was obviously for emptying septic tanks.
It had a sticker on the back which made me laugh out loud.

"NO STOOLS ARE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT".  ;D

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Women are like an AR35. lovely things, but nobody really understands how they work.

STEMO

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1179 on: 05 March 2025, 22:02:22 »
Quote from: Migv6 le Frog Fan on 05 March 2025, 21:53:38
A small tanker type of truck was in front of me today as I drove home.
Reg plate was T11ETS or similar so it was obviously for emptying septic tanks.
It had a sticker on the back which made me laugh out loud.

"NO STOOLS ARE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT".  ;D
Excellent  ;D
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Diesel till I die

JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1180 on: 09 March 2025, 08:40:21 »
Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa. I had to explain to him that I’m married now so that's where I sleep.
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Nick W

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1181 on: 14 March 2025, 11:18:45 »
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?


None, Trump says it's fixed so they all sit in the dark and cheer.




And,




Elon Musk: a man who's gone from being this century's Henry Ford to being this century's Henry Ford.....
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1182 on: 11 April 2025, 22:47:36 »
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Feefiphobia
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1183 on: 22 April 2025, 23:32:32 »
Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1184 on: 22 April 2025, 23:33:26 »
When employing someone, gather all the C.V.s together and randomly split them into two piles.
Take one pile and throw it in the bin.
This stops you employing anyone unlucky.
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.
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