Omega Owners Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Please check the Forum Guidelines at the top of the Newbie section

Pages: 1 ... 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 [66]   Go Down

Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 187704 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Entwood

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • North Wiltshire
  • Posts: 19236
  • My Old 3.2 V6 Elite (LPG)
    • Audi A6 Allroad 3.0 DTI
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #975 on: 24 March 2020, 17:26:59 »

The Pastor's Ass   

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.  The local paper read:  PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter  the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.  This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.  The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. 

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.  The Bishop fainted.  He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.   

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. 

The next day the headlines read:   NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE....

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.     
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!   
Logged
V6 Cam locking/setting kit, Maxscan GS500 OBDII code reader/EML resetter available.  

dave the builder

  • Omega Baron
  • ******
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Derbyshire
  • Posts: 3620
    • omega b2 2.6 cdxi
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #976 on: 25 March 2020, 06:44:14 »

I asked my wife to put a nurses uniform on.

"Feeling frisky?" she asked.

"No," I replied, "we need a loaf of bread".
Logged

Raeturbo

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • South Wales
  • Posts: 1675
    • Mv6 3.2 Mitsi Evo2
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #977 on: 25 March 2020, 10:13:36 »

Man walks into a pub with a crocodile, pint of lager and an orange juice for the croc he says, why is the crocodile drinking orange juice says the bartender? Oh hes driving.
Logged
Laying a rubber road.

Auto Addict

  • Administrator
  • *********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • North Birmingham
  • Posts: 13279
  • Merc to annoy TB
    • MB C-class Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #978 on: 26 March 2020, 06:57:28 »

Had a chat with the resident spider yesterday - turns out he's a web designer.
Logged
Merc lover

dave the builder

  • Omega Baron
  • ******
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Derbyshire
  • Posts: 3620
    • omega b2 2.6 cdxi
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #979 on: 27 March 2020, 21:26:53 »

In honour of Amazon delivery drivers ,
let's clap out our windows sometime between 8 am and 9pm  :y
Logged

dave the builder

  • Omega Baron
  • ******
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Derbyshire
  • Posts: 3620
    • omega b2 2.6 cdxi
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #980 on: 28 March 2020, 08:03:59 »

Paul Chuckle was getting a bit too close to me in Asda earlier so I said "Oi! 2 Metre, You!"
it all went down hill after that
Logged

dave the builder

  • Omega Baron
  • ******
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Derbyshire
  • Posts: 3620
    • omega b2 2.6 cdxi
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #981 on: 28 March 2020, 08:05:17 »

Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19.

Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer 14
Logged

Sir Tigger QC

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • West Dorset
  • Posts: 17397
    • 2 Fords
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #982 on: 28 March 2020, 12:32:23 »

Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19.

Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer 14

 ;D ;D ;D
Logged
RIP Paul 'Luvvie' Lovejoy

JC is not The Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!!

STEMO

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Up North
  • Posts: 14855
    • Astra 2.0 diesel
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #983 on: 29 March 2020, 19:55:30 »

Wifey noticed this on Twitter:
Don't forget to put your clocks forward, you don't want to be late for f**k all.
Logged
If you are offended by anything I post, sorry. Just thought I'd get that in now.

henryd

  • Moaning Haddock Head
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • west cornwall
  • Posts: 8313
  • VW Touareg R5 tdi Auto
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #984 on: 30 March 2020, 11:23:48 »

Wifey noticed this on Twitter:
Don't forget to put your clocks forward, you don't want to be late for f**k all.

Saw one on face book

Clocks go forward tonight, about 4 f***ing months would be good ;D
Logged
other rides 
  Saab 9-5 Aero HOT estate,Focus 1.6 mk2,Pug 306 cabriolet
  Sterling elite trekker pikey wagon

Auto Addict

  • Administrator
  • *********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • North Birmingham
  • Posts: 13279
  • Merc to annoy TB
    • MB C-class Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #985 on: Today at 15:40:21 »

Bloody cat asked me if I wanted the radio on whilst it went out.
Logged
Merc lover
Pages: 1 ... 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 [66]   Go Up
 

Page created in 0.163 seconds with 23 queries.